7 ways to have a baby without going broke!

As all of you know, I am obsessed with saving money and finding good deals, and being a new mom has posed some new problems for me: I am constantly navigating the world of baby toys, clothes, play dates, and the endless amount of "stuff" I need! I have found some great ways to raise a bay on a budget as well as made a few mistakes along the way and wasted some of my hard-earned dollars. Here are some tips on how to have a baby without going broke!!

Borrow, borrow, borrow!!! We were so lucky to have some friends and family loan us some essential baby gear such as a bassinet, a pack n' play, a swing, and a bathtub. Never in my entire life had I ever experienced so much generosity, and not until Hudson started nearing 1 year old did I realize why everyone was so eager to give me their stuff!! Not only does borrowing from others save you money, but it also eliminates the burden of having to store all of the "junk" for years and years until the next baby comes or sell it second hand for a fraction of what you paid for it! Take it from me, your baby will not get NEARLY as much use out of most of the toys and furniture and gear you are forking out top dollar for. Take people up on their generosity and borrow good baby gear, that is the number 1 way to save money! Make friends with someone who's baby is about 6-12 months ahead of yours and this stuff will just come pouring in :)

Find some mommy friends. I was able to join a "Mommy and Me" group at the hospital where I delivered for only $2.50 per visit. This was by far the best investment I have made as a mommy. I have made friends to socialize with (which is vital), we share stories and advice about issues that arise with ourselves and our babies, we share info on good products, baby sales, and places to go. All of us moms also started a Fabebook group to communicate and we are able to expand our friendship. The reason that this group has saved me money is that it is a super cheap place to go to get out of the house and be around friends and let Hudson socialize, as well as giving me a great opportunity to utilize the expertise of others before I buy things and borrow and try things out as well!

Ask advice and try-before-you-buy! Reading online reviews, asking friends who have children, and trying out products have become essential to me over the past year. I made the mistake of buying a lot of stuff before Hudson was born and when I saw popular baby gear at the store, only for Hudson to be totally not interested in it! And then there were other things that he played with at the homes of my friends that he totally loved! For example, for the first 4 or 5 months I bought pacifier after pacifier that he would actually keep in his mouth at night and in the car, but I could not find the right one!! Not until I took him to my sister-in-laws and a friends house, where he kept stealing the pacifiers out of his cousin and his friend's mouths, was I able to buy one he actually used! This goes for baby carriers (Baby Bjorn, Moby, Ergo...), toys, play equipment, food...anything! Ask someone to offer you a recommendation about what their baby likes, or even better, ask if yours can try it out (or borrow it) before you go out and spend the money to buy it!

Buy multi-purpose gear. I was so close to buying one of those super expensive baby food makers to make my own baby food, before I realized the food processor I already owned would work just fine (and he wasn't actually eating purees for that long anyhow). It's also super aggravating when you buy your baby a fancy toy and all they want to play with is your remote control, or your shoe, or your wooden mixing spoon! The cheapest and easiest thing you can do to entertain your baby is to just find random stuff around your house that they can play with, or if you have to buy something, try to find a product that can grow with your baby or be used for multiple purposes. Such as I was able to find an exersaucer (used of course) that Hudson could sit in at first, and then stand at when he got bigger. I also found a vibrating baby chair that worked great for newborn naps and stationary play and then was also a great pre-highchair feeding area for purees before he was able to sit up very well. Not only will this save you money on having to buy a lot of different items, it will also cut down on the clutter in your home!

Utilize your neighborhood. Most libraries have free story times as well as "cultural passes" that you can check-out for the day to attend local museums and activities around your area for free. Most indoor malls open their doors hours before the actual stores open, so this is a great place to go and just get some exercise and get out of the house for free (bring a friend from your mommy group for more fun!) Have a friend who lives in an apartment or condo? Set up a pool party and get some free swimming in! Hook up with someone with a membership to a local zoo or museum. I have a membership to my zoo with free babies under 2 as well as a free guest. I always post on my mommy group facebook page when I am going so another mom can come free as well! Local parks and schools are great places to picnic and stroll around, also many churches sometimes offer indoor play areas on certain days of the week that are either free or super cheap. Go on hikes, feed the ducks by the lake, visit a nature reserve, or just simply take a walk and get lost in your own town! And lastly, my mommy group and I always host monthly play dates hosted at someones house or a park where we bring snacks and toys and the babies play while we socialize!!

Don't over-buy before the baby comes! Diapers, clothes, bedding, towels, and all of those other "essentials" are always pushed on new moms to stock up on before the baby arrives!! But the reality is that your baby will grow out of them faster than you can use them, or they will simply not get used at all. My son was only in newborn diapers for his first 2 weeks, as well as newborn clothes. We wasted so much money stocking up on lots of those and he never even used them!! If you are having a baby shower, I can almost guarantee you will be well stocked on diapers and clothes to get your baby through the first 3 months at least. For sure go and buy those "have-to-have" adorable outfits that you just can't wait to dress your baby in, but you probably wont have to buy more than just a few items in each size for the first 6-9 months. Also, remember the season you are having the baby in. All of my NB-3 month fleece pajamas and socks went to waste because it was too hot to wear in the summer when he was born. When it comes to diapers, if you need to add to your supply after getting what your friends and family have donated, try to buy a few small packages from different brands. Each baby is shaped differently and will fit better in some diapers than others. I am a Pampers lover myself, but I know other moms swear by Huggies, and Costco and Target brand are amazing too! (this same advice also applies to wipes) As you start to get to know your little critter you will find that you (and the baby) prefer certain brands and styles of clothes and you will become a little more picky in your shopping and only buy things you KNOW your baby will wear and use.

Buy used, on sale, and out of season. Craigslist, second hand sales, clearance sections, and after-season sales have become my life saver!! Many great things can be bought used from friends, second-hand sales, or from garage sales or Craigslist. The only things that I would recommend buying new are the safety things like carseats, cribs, and bottles. Getting great clothes and toys and other seasonal items was so much cheaper when I was buying them for the future! Once you kind of get the hang of how your baby is fitting clothes you can buy them next year's winter coat this year after they go on clearance!! Borrowing that kind of stuff is always the best bet, but buying used or for dirt cheap is the next best idea!!

Don't forget to pass your things along to other moms when you are done with them or wont need them for a while...spread the mommy karma!! Let me know if any of the other mommies out there have any other great ideas!!

Sarah

Baby steps toward the baby steps...

So we have been on the cash budget again for about 3 months, and I am pretty disappointed in how I am doing this time though. I am speaking for myself in this post because John has been doing a lot better than me! The first time we lived on a cash budget for over a year and really stuck to it. I was super disciplined and only spent what I had allotted to each category and if something wasn't in our budget, we didn't buy it. This time through though, I have been cheating A LOT!! I think that maybe because I am not working as much, and instead spending more time trying to entertain myself and a toddler, I have been justifying going out to eat, shopping, and leisure activities more. We have been successful in cutting back in our spending however, and I am quite pleased with how much we have saved so far toward our down payment on a house...but I could do better.

In response to my failure, I have come clean with John about my "cheating" and asked him to better hold me accountable to staying on budget. He is such a great husband and often forgives me for my little spending indiscretions because he wants me to be happy, but I need him to be the bad guy every once in a while and make sure I am being held accountable for my spending! I also will be working even less this summer when school is out, so I need to make sure I am setting myself up with some good habits on how to exist as a full-time stay at home mom and not succumb to the temptations of going out and spending money to kill time!

June will be a new month with a fresh start, and I have a goal to stay committed to my budget and save every extra penny I can toward a house. I don't think I have ever wanted something so badly, and I just need to remember that every time I spend money on something I don't NEED, I am delaying that dream a little further. So goodbye Starbucks Chai Tea Lattes, and hello Crystal Light! Goodbye lunch dates, and hello picnics in the park! Goodbye Target shopping sprees for baby "stuff" and hello garage sales for things he really NEEDS!! I can do this!!

Wish me luck,

Sarah

Marriage and Money

Just a warning: this is a very personal post, and I hope that you will read it with compassion and understanding instead of judgement...

When John and I met in 2007, I was finishing up my undergraduate degree and living with my sister and he was working the night shift at a local home improvement store and living with his parents. It was a pretty whirlwind romance and he moved in with my sister and I within a few months, and we had our own place a few months after that. John bought into my dreams of going to graduate school right away and was so supportive emotionally, physically, and financially while I saw that through. We began combining our money almost immediately after moving in, because it just made the most sense logistically. He was footing most of the bills while I focused on school, so there was really no use in keeping them separate. Soon after moving in, we were engaged and planning for our future together! Slowly over the next year, our financial histories started making themselves aware to each other and we really needed to sit down and lay everything out. I was so embarrassed and guilt-ridden for bringing so much student debt to the relationship, on top of the consumer debt that built up after years of living beyond my means. John came with less debt, but most of it was in a bad state of neglect and he also had some lingering financial obligations to an ex. I think we were both so ashamed of putting this burden on each other that it was really hard to just be honest and put it out there. I would be lying if I didn't say that I had some resentment toward him for not only having this old debt but also for not bringing it to my attention sooner. I'm sure he was feeling equally overwhelmed by what he was signing on to as well as the main breadwinner for such a large amount of loans to be repaid. There were many days where I wondered if we could ever succeed financially together and get ourselves to a place where we could start fresh. There was a little voice in the back of my head saying that money ruins marriages, and what a mistake it would be to start off in such a bad place. I was scared.

I had a decision to make. I either needed to slow down this relationship and make sure that both of us take care of our own personal finances before we get married, and allow ourselves to come to the table with clean hands and a fresh start, or I needed to decide that I was in it for the long haul and work it out together. I chose the latter. John and i came to a mutual agreement that whatever debt or financial obligations that we were bringing to the marriage was now OUR debt. We were going to start over fresh as a couple, making choices together and aiming toward the same goals, and whatever we brought from the past would be tackled as a team. John got a second job working nights, and I got a second job as well. We both worked our butts off and were able to make good on some of the more pressing obligations that he had bought with him, as well as knock out my consumer debt one at a time using Dave Ramsey's debt snowball program. We both were put at ease knowing that whatever mistakes we had made in the past were behind us, and we would be able to trust in each other to make good decisions in the future. We were also much happier knowing that we were attacking our problems as a team instead of holding each other's mistakes over the other one's head.

Once we made the commitment to attack our debts and get them out of the way of our relationship, it really didn't take that long for us to pay them off. I really believe that our marriage is so much stronger because we were able to go through this process together and really put our trust in one another. I have never regretted the decision to take on his debts as my own, and I know that he doesn't either. There is so much more love, understanding, and harmony now that we are on the same team, instead of the resentment, arguing, and judging that could have come from expecting the other one to clean up their own "mess".

Hope that this provides inspiration to let some grudges go and focus on what is important in your relationship. If things are hard right now, make the commitment to team up, and it will be a lot easier to conquer!

Sarah

Purposeful Saving!

I have a hard time with immediate gratification. I have many long-term goals, varying from losing weight to saving for a home, but it is just so hard for me to put off the immediate gratification of a piece of cake or a night out with my husband now, for the pay-off of something big later! I look back on how much John and I accomplished a while back with our debt pay-off and our wedding and vacation on cash, but taking the next step of starting the major savings has been a little more slow going. We need to get our butt in gear! Maybe if I put my goals down on paper, I might be able to make them a little more tangible and easy to follow through on...



We are now starting month 2 of being back on our cash-only budget. Last month was relatively successful, but I did cheat a little on the groceries and stocking up for an upcoming party! I really need to hold myself accountable this month and stick to the budget I laid out ahead of time. I am hosting a couponing class for some friends this weekend, and I am actually looking forward to practicing what I preach again :)

John and I also set up a thermometer for our savings plan like we did for our debt repayment. What was so exciting about doing this was the fact that last time we were marking off what we were paying to other people, this time we get to mark off what we are paying to ourselves!! We will just have to make sure that whatever we put in savings stays there and doesn't come out!! We have a goal for $20,000 to put a decent down payment on a home with a sizable nest egg for home related emergencies or repairs. I think that it is totally do-able, and now that it is a visual goal, hopefully a lot easier to stick to and stay motivated!

John and I have also been sitting down to some inspiring and motivating "budget meetings" and just trying to get on the same page with our priorities; financial, emotional, and physical. He has been driving himself into the ground lately trying to keep up with a full-time job, school, being an amazing father and husband, and maintaining our rental property. He holds himself to such high standards, and it is hard for him to make sacrifices in something he takes pride in to better maintain his sanity. We had really big plans when we moved into this home a year ago to fix it up and make it a sanctuary, but I really don't think that it is possible anymore. We have spent so much time and money and energy and stress trying to make it look acceptable and it never seems to meet our expectations. It is such a great place to live, but if we keep being unrealistic, we are going to drive ourselves crazy! I have convinced John to only mow the lawn every other week and to give up some of the landscaping and repair projects he has planned. He needs to focus on de-stressing and working toward finishing his degree. There will be plenty of time in the future to make our own property outstanding, so we just need to maintain this place and stop trying to make it the nicest house on the block!! I could tell that when we made this agreement, that a ton of stress was taken off of his shoulders. I think it is important to re-evaluate ALL of your priorities every so often to make sure you are investing your time and energy into the right things!!

Wish us luck, and I would appreciate any other motivating strategies to stay on track and have fun at the same time!

Giving minimilism a try...

I ran across a post on a minimalism blog the other day titled, "7 common problems solved by owning less." It struck such a nerve with me, that I ended up browsing their site for the rest of the evening. I couldn't help but relate with how freeing it must feel to get rid of so much unneeded stuff! Don't get me wrong, I had my doubts and reservations, but they were quickly thrown out once I read just how practical it could be! Read the blog below if you wish:

http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2012/04/16/7-common-problems-solved-by-owning-less/

1) First of all, the thought of getting rid of 80% of my wardrobe freaked me out at first, because I am so frugal that I hate to think that I would be getting rid of something that I may have to go repurchase someday, but once I really thought about it, it seemed like such a great idea! I hate the feeling every morning of being reminded of how much of my clothes still don't fit me almost a year after having my son, but in reality, they hardly even fit before. If I can slim down my closet to only the items that fit me fabulously, or will fit fabulously with minor to moderate work, I think I would be so much happier. And when, or if, I ever slim down enough to get some new threads, I can go buy a few key pieces that I can wear long term and look great!

2) I will be the first to admit that I am not the greatest housekeeper. I get so overwhelmed with all of the "stuff" that is needing to be washed, cleaned, dusted, swept, mopped, scrubbed...you get the picture. And this crap just keeps accumulating and causing me more stress! I look at some of my friends' houses and their stuff looks so nicely arranged and decorated, and I get frustrated with how much clutter I have lying around. One of my main problems is that I am way too emotionally invested in my things. I have a really hard time discarding items that were gifted to me or remind me of someone special. The passing of my mother has sent me over the edge and I have a hard time getting rid of anything now, in fear that I someday will miss that item and how much it meant to me. I have decided that my sanity is not worth salvaging these items and I really need to come up with a way that I can maintain my memories and still function in a clean home. I think I will devote a spot in my home to keep my most prized possessions from my mother and display them proudly. I think I will also keep a small box somewhere that I can keep some other more personal items that I can look through when I need to. Hopefully, that will be the first step to detaching myself emotionally from my things and focusing on more important ways to spend my day! Here are some great ways that I can honor my mom's memory while simplifying my stuff: http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2010/09/29/how-to-simplify-your-stuff-and-honor-your-memories/

3) I think when you see how little you actually NEED, your priorities shift to the most important things in life. I read a quote somewhere that said something to the tune of, "What's easier than wishing that you had things that you do not have, is to not want them in the first place." Maybe my need for stuff, and my dissatisfaction for not having them, would be lessened if I could learn to be happy with less. And the idea of not spending so much time, energy, and money on things I don't need will really motivate me to spend more time, energy, and money on the things that to matter. Here is another post from their blog that talks about easy ways to get started becoming a minimalist: http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2011/12/05/sample-living-with-less/

4) Trying to baby-proof for Hudson and thinking of the lessons I want him learning as he grows up has also made me want to really start trimming down on some of the stuff we have lying around. I don't want him having so many toys that he is overwhelmed and has a hard time occupying his mind without something stimulating to do it for him. I want him to be creative and rely on his own imagination to keep himself busy. I think it is natural for a new mom to want to buy all of the latest gadgets for their new little one, but I have quickly learned that not only is most of it pretty useless, but it is so quickly outgrown! I could have saved a lot of time and money by borrowing items or by just being creative and doing without, and he would have been just fine. Here are 7 ways to prepare for a new baby without shopping: http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2011/11/08/7-ways-to-prepare-for-a-new-baby-without-shopping/
I also want to limit the amount of cupboard locks I put on things and allow him some freedom to explore and discover the house. One item in particular has been on my mind lately, as I have been trying to find a new home for it since he now knows how to open the lower cupboard doors. It is a small hand-held mixer that I use occasionally to mix up scrambled eggs. It is actually quite a cool contraption, but since it has a sharp blade, I cannot leave it in his reach anymore. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that I really don't need it. It is one of those "time saving" devices that is supposed to make my life easier, and while it does a fabulous job of beating my eggs, and is a bit faster than using the traditional fork. the time I spend afterward to take it all apart, wash it, dry it, and put it away, it really is not that time saving!!! Not to mention all of the stress of having to dig past it to get to something that is further back in the cupboard! I have decided that it will be something that will have to go!

5) And finally, living with less ties in perfectly with the goals I have for getting out of debt and living a more peaceful life. I am drooling right now at how much fun it will be to have the garage sale of all garage sales this summer and make some cash to put toward our home! I am also getting excited about adjusting my priorities to try to live on even less than we already are. I think I will love the home I am in even more if there isn't so much stuff piled in it to wash and clean and maintain. It will be a good excuse to focus less on going crazy for holidays and parties, and focus more on the real reason that we are celebrating. I am excited to be able to SLEEP on black Friday instead of standing in the Oregon rain to buy a bunch of crap for people that they don't need. I am excited to be able to look in my closets and cupboards and be able to see what I need and what I already have! I am just so excited to see how these changes in my life can really make it more relaxing, rewarding, and stress-free. Are there any ideas that you all have for learning to live on less? I'd love to hear them!

Getting what I deserve...

One of the hardest financial decisions to talk myself out of is when I convince myself that I "deserve" something. I deserve a lot of things...I work hard, I sacrifice a lot, and I am a good person. When I was putting myself through college I would often reward myself with material things after a particularly difficult term. A digital camera, a laptop, a night out with friends, and one time a vacation. I really felt like I "deserved" it after working so hard! Well, a lot of those little presents to myself really added up, and I guess I am now paying for that. Dave Ramsey makes a good point about dealing with this this dilemma: he wants to know if you really "deserve" to struggle with debt, stress about paying bills, and arguing with your spouse, or if you "deserve" to life free of financial burdens and live with peace. I have always loved this thought, but I still struggle with saying no to myself when I feel like I just NEED to pamper myself with something fancy to feel better after a rough day or week. It is so frustrating to me that my peers are able to take vacations, go out to dinner for special events, and buy new cars and furniture when they want. I work just as hard as they do, so why can't I have the same abilities to reward myself.

I had an epiphany the other day. I started thinking back to my baby shower a year ago, and although I loved all of the little washcloths and toys and outfits that I got, I really wished that a few of those people had gotten together to buy me something larger that I really needed like a crib, a stroller, or a play set. That made me start thinking about what I really wanted for my own life. I want a new pair of shoes, I want a new pair of Capri pants, I want a dishwasher, I want to take a vacation, and I want to throw my son a kick-butt first birthday party. But what I want more than any of those things is to buy a house. I really started putting these two ideas together and I started thinking that I can have all of these little things that I want, or I can focus on putting all of my focus on getting the one big thing. My husband and I decided that from now on, before we make ANY purchases, we will ask ourselves: "is this going to get us in a house faster, or slower?" If the answer is slower, than we really need to judge whether it is worth it.

I hope I can stick with this motivation. I am so determined to buy our own home and I hope that my friends and family will be good influences and help me reach my goal!!

Sarah

The TRUTH about student loans!

"...student loans are a good debt...they are an investment in your future...just get through college, and the rest will work itself out..."

These were the only pieces of wisdom I heard about student loans while I was in college. I knew I was taking out loans, and that I would have to pay them back, but for some reason I wasn't worried about HOW I would pay them back! When you are taking them out a little at a time, it is hard to wrap your mind around what the total cost will be at graduation, and little did I know that I would be entering one of the toughest job economies in history! I was living on an altered version of reality that only an 18-year-old fresh out of high school could understand. I was living on the idea that I was only young once, and that I should enjoy the college years so that I could buckle down and get serious someday.  I was living on assumptions. The assumption that I would exit college into an immediate job opportunity. The assumption that I would make more than enough to pay back my loans, buy a house, buy a car, and live the American dream. The assumption that several years into my career I would get married, have kids, and afford to stay home for a while until they were grown. The assumption that student loans were just a part of life, and that it was the only way someone like me could get through college without savings or help from my parents.

Here is the reality: After a Bachelors at a public university and a Masters from a private university, those tiny little loans every semester added up to over $60,000! Immediately after graduation, I met the man of my dreams and got married. 1 year later, we started our family. And after almost 3 years, I still have not been able to find a teaching job. When my loans came due, I was paying almost $1,000 a month. After consolidation (which took my repayments from 10 years to 25 years) I am now paying almost $400 a month. I will be 50 years old when my loans are finally paid off, and my education will have cost me about $150,000 with interest. That is to be a teacher who makes about $40,000/year starting out. Wow. I obviously didn't major in math because this is not adding up at all! I want to scream at all of those people who told me I was taking out a "good debt" and that I would just "figure it out" after graduation!! 7 years of having fun is now costing me 25 years of stress and financial burden!!

So what can a current/future college student do if they don't have the financial support of their parents?

• First, my biggest mistake was not setting a budget for my college years. I worked as a waitress most of the time, so I had the luxury of living on daily tips and not needing to budget my expenses. I wish somebody would have sat me down before I left home and helped me set up a realistic living budget. I was making a pretty good income as a working college student, and I really could have put that to good use if i would have thought ahead!
• Second, I would have surrounded myself with other college students who were also doing it on their own. It is hard to turn down all of the social invites and the youthful lifestyle when you are out on your own for the first time as an adult. I had so much fun going out to restaurants, movies, clubs, and parties. And when all of my other friends are buying new clothes and expensive meals, I felt like that was the "norm". I wish I would have traded in some of the dinners out with get-togethers at people's apartments, some of the movies out with popcorn and pajama movie nights at home, some of the clubs and parties with game nights and a bottle of wine at a friend's house. There are a bazillion ways to be young and youthful and fun without being out every night!
• Finally, I wish someone reliable and trustworthy would have told me to grow up, be mature, and think about my future. In adolescence, it is normal to live in the moment and not think about the consequences, but there is no excuse for a college student trying to pretend to be an adult to be making such poor and thoughtless decisions. At 19, I realized that with my income as a waitress, I could afford to rent my very own apartment, pay bills on my own, buy new furniture, and live a pretty decent lifestyle. That was all good and true, but in the process of me living the above-average college lifestyle, I was taking out loans to finance my tuition, books, and living expenses. If I would have made some better choices, like living at home or with roommates, sharing bills, staying home more, not shopping so much, I could have been using my good income to finance my education, and not loans. I was kidding myself on how much I actually needed to borrow. But I didn't realize this until too late.

If I had the whole college experience to do over again, I would have definitely used my noggin more and made some sacrifices to pay for it myself. It wasn't as impossible as I thought. For instance, I could have saved at least $300-$400 a month by sharing an apartment with a roommate! $300-$400 a month over the course of 5 years (the last 2 were spent rooming with my sister and now husband) would have saved me $18,000-$24,000!! That would have cut my student loans by over a third! Just saving on room and board...factor in what I could have saved by going out less and shopping less, and I have no doubt in my mind I could have gone to school without any (or at least very few) loans. There is no way that those 7 years of fun was worth all of the stress, agony, and sacrifices I will have to make for the next 25 years!

Please pass this on to a current or future college student...and have them get started NOW!!!

UPDATE! Dave just premiered a gift sat for incoming college freshman with info about navigating the confusing world of college all on your own! I know several graduates who are getting this from me this year!! http://www.daveramsey.com/store/prodgsg.html?ectid=dd1204.3_1

Sarah